The Phone Game I Shouldn’t Promote Because You’ll Get Addicted
Hi!
Over the years, I’ve used this Friday space to share a lot of things, including games I play during the gaps in my day. I’m sharing another today, but I’ve been reluctant to share it for two reasons. First, it isn’t free — the computer and console versions cost $15 and the iPhone and Android versions cost $10. (But that’s all-in — there are no ads, no in-game purchases, and no charges, at least yet, for any new versions.) Second, the game is very addictive, and it’s easy to lose an hour or two without even noticing as you chase victory.
It’s called Balatro, named after the ancient Roman word (also “balatro”) for a professional jester. And that makes sense, because the name is all about jokers — not the Batman villain, but the playing card. And it’s so good that, in September, the Washington Post did a profile on the game.
(Before I keep talking, though, if you want to check out the game, just click the word Balatro above or click here.)
Balatro is often described as a roguelike poker deck-building solitaire game, but that’s not all that helpful unless you’re already knee-deep in gaming — jargon tends to be inaccessible to outsiders. The Washington Post described it as a game that “bends the rules of poker the way only video games can, applying randomized powers to your deck that transform every game.” That’s a better summary. It’s a solo game — you’re playing against the game itself, for pride — and your goal is to amass enough poker chips to get to the next level. If you beat level 8, you win the game, and then can go into “endless mode” and can, theoretically, play forever. No games last forever, though.
You get poker chips by building poker hands. The stronger the hand, the more chips you get. Higher poker hand ranks get more chips than lower ones; higher cards similarly earn more chips. (e.g., an ace is worth more than a seven). So if you play a Jack-high flush, you’ll usually get more chips than if you play, say, a pair of sixes. That’s the simple and hopefully familiar part. The rest you’ve never seen before.
For the game to be fun, each round has to be harder than the one prior. But poker hands don’t scale — in normal poker, the best possible natural hand, a royal flush, is always worth the same. Balatro changes that with a ton of modifiers, the big one being Jokers. Jokers are cards that live outside of your normal deck of 52 playing cards but modify the game’s mechanics. One card makes twos really powerful, but only if you play a lot of them. Another makes it possible for you to have a four-card flush. Another will make your score go up if you have a Queen in your hand that you didn’t play.
On top of that, there are ways to improve your playing cards to make them worth more. And ways to add more cards to your deck or remove some. There are ways to change the values of poker hands, making, e.g., a pair of twos worth a lot, lot more than a royal flush. As you avail yourself of all these boosts, you’ll find combos that create synergies, allowing even a simple high-card hand worth millions if not decillions (yes, that’s a word, and I’m not exaggerating) of chips.
It’s a ton of fun. Unfortunately, you’ll either have to take my word for it and the word of hundreds of thousands who have already played it — or you’ll have to pony up the ten bucks to give it a try because as far as I can tell, there’s no free trial version. The best I can do is share this 10-minute intro video to the game, showing the mechanics and offering a tutorial. That ten-minute investment seems like a lot of time, and if that’s daunting, I suggest not getting the game — because, I promise, you’ll waste a lot more than ten minutes on it if you start playing.
The Now I Know Week In Review
Monday: Fighting Fires, For a Fee: The richest man in Rome turned firefighting into a profit center for himself.
Tuesday: Why 19th Century Britons Lost Their Heads: Photo manipulation, not guillotines.
Wednesday: The Controversy Around Neil Armstrong’s Famous Quote: A small step for… what, exactly?
Thursday: A Classical Way to Save the Whales:
Yikes, this one had a TON of typos, a math mistake, and … a Star Trek error. One of the sentences was utter nonsense. I was moving way too fast and also dealing with a work-related crisis, and I guess I was distracted. I’ve corrected the errors, so if you want to give it a re-read at that link, it should be a lot better now.
I’m still ashamed about the Star Trek mistake. (The “nuclear vessel” was not a sub, but an aircraft carrier.) As my friend Grover says, I am so embarrassed.
Long Reads and Other Things
Here are a few things you may want to check out over the weekend:
1) “Why Is Egg Shopping So Unpredictable?” (New York Times/gift article, 6 minutes, February 2025). About a week ago, my local supermarket barely had any eggs for sale, and those that were available were $9 or $10 for a dozen. The next day, they had 18 egg cartons for $5.99. (I bought two.) A nearby store had lots of eggs for about $8 one day and then none — but priced cheaper? — a few days later, according to a family member. Scarcity, bird flu… that is intuitive. But why so much chaos at the supermarket egg aisle? The Times explains.
2) “How to Scam Online-Gambling Addicts? Set Up a Fake Cricket League” (Esquire, 16 minutes, December 2024). This is a brilliant idea. Totally unethical and abusive, but brilliant.
3) “Short ribs, soup and secrets: Our critic’s exclusive lunch at the CIA” (Washington Post/gift article, 12 minutes, February 2025). This is simple but a joy to read. I do wonder about the kosher guests who were served clams casino, though; putting aside the ingredients (clams are not kosher), the cookware
Have a great weekend!
Dan